Skip to main content

Re-Post: Should vs. Want

This post originally published on In The Blackest Ink

This will probably not be the last time I talk about Ali on the Run and her podcast, so sorry in advance? As I mentioned in my earlier post, during a recent podcast episode hosted by her husband, Ali talked about a solo trip to California. Another thing she said that really struck me was that she only did things she actually wanted to do, and not that she thought she "should" do or that she "would want" to do.

This is important for so many reasons. Yes, in life we have to do things we don't want to do but we should do. However, we do far more things we think we should or would want to do instead of truly asking ourselves "is this want I want to do?" Sadly, going to work every day is probably not negotiable, but you can ask yourself "is this the work I want to be doing, or is it work I think I should want to be doing?" Getting to the heart of that question made a little light go off in my brain.
How many things do I agree to do, or do just because I think it's expected of me, or because it's something I think that I *should* want to do? There's a difference between trying something new, and continuing to do something even though you really don't enjoy it. For example, every year, for many years ,I stayed up until midnight or longer on New Year's Eve, and watched all the network coverage, and watched the ball drop in Times Square. Then, I'd wake up early enough to watch the Rose Parade on TV in its first, live airing. It's been a couple of years since I've done this, but this year was the very first that, in telling people my boyfriend and I went to a nice dinner, came home, and went to bed by 11 that I didn't feel guilty, or that I had to explain anything. No, we weren't sick. Yes, we could have gone to any number of parties or events. We could have stayed up another hour and watched the ball drop on TV. Honestly? We didn't care enough to want to watch it. The next day I slept in and wasn't the least bit sad about not seeing a parade. The floats are beautiful and incredibly impressive, but I'm at a point in my life where parades don't excite me.

2018 is the year I want to truly embrace the idea of things I WANT to do, and not things I think I should do, or think I would want to do. This also goes along with the idea of learning to say no, and that no is a complete sentence. I often feel obligated to explain away my no responses, or I feel guilty about saying no to something or someone. Ultimately, the things that are truly important are always a yes for me, anything that does not serve me in a positive way is a no. No explanation, no apologies, no guilt.

Here's to truly wanting, and saying no!


Popular posts from this blog

Watching Cancer Take My Mom

I’ve been snooping around my parents house, looking for old photos. I know we have them, my dad loves photography, and I know we have boxes of pictures around here somewhere. Snooping is probably too strong a word, really I’m just searching around. I’m trying to find as many photos of my mom as possible. Most of the photos that are around the house are studio portraits, or other photos of me, from school, from dance. There are few adult pictures of my parents that don’t also include a younger version of me. I want to find these photos because I want to have as many visual reminders of who my mom was, physically, before the cancer came. I want to remember her holding me while I suspiciously suss out Donald Duck, or holding me on her lap in a blue chair that’s almost just as much a part of my childhood memories. I want to remember her smiling, and vibrant, and sometimes, clearly annoyed with the photographer (my dad.) I want all of these as a constant reminder that my mom is so much mor…


I have six unfinished drafts for this blog just hanging out. I'm taking 12 units this semester at school, I'm working full time, I'm attempting to have some semblance of a life while maintaining my limited sanity in a world where we somehow have a President Trump. I'm exhausted most of the time, I'm trying to eat better, and work out more frequently, oh yeah and  I also have quite a bit of debt to tackle. Turns out, shopping is not an appropriate outlet for grief when you're not independently wealthy. So, what does that mean for this blog? Probably not a whole lot, truthfully. In my head I have a grand plan of using this as a way to curb my spending, while still reading (things other than the depressing shit I have to read for all of my course work as a Social Work major,) and using all the makeup and beauty products I currently have.

We'll see how all that pans out, shall we?

Weed is the new GOOP

This was originally posted at 

Marijuana and CBD oils are all over the Internet right now. I can’t scroll through my RSS feed without seeing at least one article touting it as the next big thing in wellness, or urging me to buy a bath bomb infused with CBD. I won’t lie, it’s not that I’m not tempted, especially by a bath bomb which provides amazing sleep. At this point, even your sparking water fix can be spiked with weed (seriously). There are huge physical and mental wellbeing benefits from the product, and as states begin to legalize recreational marijuana, a growing market for what many view as a holistic treatment for everything from everyday stress, anxiety, depression, to muscle aches and pains. I’ve seen a large number of articles about the oil and its benefits in publications which cater toward women interested in fitness and wellness, but what’s missing are the women of color, and a broader conversation about how white women are bene…